Henrietta Hiccup

Political advisor to the stars!

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Letter from George W. Bush

Dear Henrietta,

How the heck are you? We haven’t spoke since the elekshun. Laura showed me how to use the spell chicker but I think it’s wrong a lot, so I am corecting it. I am the leader of the free world, so I can do whatever the heck I want, as you know, and for anyone who doesn’t like it, I can always throw them in the Gwontommino Bay .

The reason I am writing you today is because I am very ticked off and I want some answers. All of the polls showed that Bo Bice was going to win American Idol and yet Carrie won instead! I don’t know about you, but that seems fishy to me. Sure, Carrie is a purty girl and all, even though she has the same name as a former upponint of mine (Mr. Jon Carrie) but Bo is a Christian and he wears the cross to remind the American people where Jesus was nailed to.

Henrietta, there is nothing worse in a free sosiety than a frodulent elekshun. I am so happy and glad that I beat Jon Carrie fair and square with no cheating whatsoever on the part of me or Karl Rove or the makers of the voting machines who happen to be Republicans. Why can’t American Idol be as acurate? Do I have to tell the Congress to look into this matter? Or can you help me, Henrietta?

With all do respect,
George W. Bush
President of America and the World

Dear Mr. President,

Wow, it’s great to hear from you. I know you’ve been busy schmoozing over there in Europea with Mr. Blair, but you really should touch base with me every so often. Geez.

As for the American Idol results, I’m as flabbergasted as you are. Either the American people have gone completely loopy, or some Hollywood liberal was messing with the tabulations. Clearly, Bo Bice was the logical choice for such an honor. Who better to represent our diverse and colorful nation than a white male Christian from Alabama?

Mr. President, I strongly recommend convening a Congressional Committee to investigate what is clearly fraud - masterminded by the liberal Hollywood elite for the purpose of destroying the fabric of our society.

Thanks for writing, George. I’m always flattered when you ask for my advice. Speaking of which, I hope you were able to take care of that itchy problem you had “down there.”

Talk soon (I hope!) Give my love to Laura.


Carrie Underwood, who fraudulently "won" American Idol despite being behind in all the exit polls - and Bo Bice, who might be Jesus. Posted by Hello