Henrietta Hiccup

Political advisor to the stars!

Sunday, January 09, 2005

Letter from Tsunami Victim

Dear Henrietta,

I want to thank you for your country’s generous offering of 1 billion US dollars to help us during this great time of pain. The President Bush is so beddy nice to send us your money and also his great personal sacrifice of 10,000 US dollars. We have no more to worry about now, except for the welfare of the beddy nice President Bush. My question for you is – will the President Bush have enough food to feed his family now?

God Bless You.
Tharupiyum Kumarakulaasinghe
Lakbima, Sri Lanka

Dear Mr. Kumarakulaasinghe,

On behalf of the taxpayers of the United States, you're very welcome. It was no skin off our noses, anyway, since it will just be applied to the growing national debt. Hopefully someday your country will know the joy of debt as we do. But I digress. You are right to worry about Mr. Bush. After donating $10,000, his bank account has dwindled to a mere $25,990,000. We are all worried sick.

The truth is, Mr. Bush makes sacrifices every day, including sparing the life of a turkey every Thanksgiving and serving a rubber turkey to the troops instead of a real one. It's enough to bring a tear to one's eye.

I guess the best way you can help him is to return part of the $1 million donated by one of our cinematic legends, Ms. Sandra Bullock. She has plenty of leftover dough and should have donated far more, anyway. Please return it to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, D.C. 11111.

Thanks and I'm glad to hear you are doing better over there.