Henrietta Hiccup

Political advisor to the stars!

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Letter from Pope John Paul II

Dear Henrietta,

How are you doing? It's been a while since we last spoke on the phone. I hope you're well.

I have a question about U.S. politics and Jesus. I hope you can help.

Why do Republicans claim to be following Jesus when everything they stand for is the polar opposite of everything Jesus stood for? (Sorry about ending that question with a preposition!)

Jesus said:

"The meek will inherit the earth." How does this jive with Republican policies that are designed to make the rich even richer?

"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons and daughters of God." How can they reconcile this with their murderous actions in Iraq?

"Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy." How can they so easily approve of the death penalty, which is state-sponsored murder?

"For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a Stranger and you Welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me. Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these, my brethren, you did it to me." But to the Republicans, the homeless are lazy, the thirsty are greedy, the strangers are unwelcome, the naked are vulgar, the sick are a burden and the prisoners should be executed or otherwise disgarded.

Please, Henrietta. If anyone can answer this, you can.

Karol Jozef Wojtyla
(aka Pope John Paul II)

Dear Karol,

I'm well, thanks. But as usual, we don't agree!

The notion that Jesus stood for peace is a common misconception. When he said "blessed are the peacemakers," he was being facetious. And you can't believe he was serious when he joked that the "meek would inherit the earth!" Why would meek people inherit anything? Meek people are intended to be taken advantage of - without meek people, there would be no successful salespeople and thus no capitalism and without capitalism, we would have a Godless society.

I know these concepts are complicated, Pope. But I want you to know that you can call me any time and we can go out for a cocktail and I'll explain everything to you.

Thanks for your query!


P.S. Don't tell me you would have voted for John Kerry. He forgot Poland!