Henrietta Hiccup

Political advisor to the stars!

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Letter from Ann Coulter

Dear Henrietta,

Recently I made a suggestion regarding the Islamic Muslimites that went as follows - "We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity. We weren't punctilious about locating and punishing only Hitler and his top officers. We carpet-bombed German cities; we killed civilians. That's war. And this is war."

I'm just wondering why we haven't done this yet. Doesn't anyone listen to me?

Waiting to hear,
Ann Coulter
Washington, D.C.

P.S. Am I a man?

Dear Ann,

Punctilious? Come on.

Look - the president is what he and only he calls a "compassionate conservative." This means that he doesn't just go around converting people to Christianity against their wills overnight. These things take time. We did the "invading their countries" part, we've captured their scabby-headed leader and we will kill him soon enough, and then we will have time to convert the heathen savages to Christianity.

You see, Ann - you have no patience. World dominance doesn't happen in the snap of a finger. We won't convert them overnight, just like we won't eliminate American homosexuality and Judaism overnight. Take a deep breath, honey.

Have a Blessed Day,


P.S. Don't let the liberals make you question your manhood, Ann. You're as manly as they get.