Henrietta Hiccup

Political advisor to the stars!

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Letter from M. M. (the day after the election)

Dear Henrietta,

I just crawled out of bed. It took me seven hours to make it to the computer, but here I am. I knew you were the only person I could talk to.

Please tell me this is a nightmare and that Smirky McChimp is not going to be in office for the next 4 years. I swear to God, I will shave my beard and gain 200 pounds if it's true!

I worked so hard to inform the American people about the Bush/Bin Laden connection and the lies about the war. Why didn't they listen? Would you mind informing them?

Yours Anonymously,
Flint, Michigan

Dear M.M.,

Calm down. Put down that croissant! Don't you know the French hate us for our freedoms?

Listen M, everyone who saw your movie, which I will not name since you want to be anonymous, already shared your opinion. If you would get around a bit more, you would find out that there are no movie theaters in the parts of America that don't share your opinion. They don't even have books. They have libraries, but they call them "lie-berries" and they are only stocked with the King James Bible.

There is little I can do to help. Besides, your theory about the Bush/Bin Laden connection is baloney with cheese. Just because they both come from big oil money and they are both religious fundamentalists and they both believe you should attack another country if you think they might harm you someday, doesn't mean they have anything in common.

You can't just take a bunch of facts and put them together as if they mean things are true.

I advise you to move. As long as you stay in Michigan you'll be out of touch with the working class American people.

Take care, M.M. Thanks for dropping me a line.


Monday, November 01, 2004

It's a New World for Henrietta Hiccup's Blog

It's been a while since I have posted, but that is because I have been overwhelmed with letters from people asking me for advice on current events. You would not believe the people who have written me!

In light of my new popularity, I have decided to transform my blog into an advice column of sorts. Many people, such as the president, don't know very much about the history of this great nation. Therefore, I will address that subject as well as many other subjects, such as pedophilia and scented candles.

Please feel free to e-mail me with questions of your own, should one come to mind. I can answer anything. I'm Henrietta Hiccup. Welcome to my blog.